Got It!

I'll have more news to share soon, I'm sure. However, I need to put this up as a marker of the day I found out.

I was approved to rent the house I applied for in the South City area. I am SO EXCITED.

Hello, Autumn

In celebration of the change of seasons, let's all cross our fingers for an Autumn as filled with color as this. It's both lovely and awe-inspiring if you ask me. I'm ready.

Habitual

I have a really bad habit of allowing myself to get carried away. The problem is, I don't always see this propensity for overdoing things as a problem. Instead, I go with it, allowing my inclination for excess to get the best of me. I overindulge.

I'm not simply referring to things like eating too many mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner or applying just a smidge too much lip gloss. I'm talking about things like cooking too much food for two people, smothering people with too much attention, or buying too many presents even though I'm allegedly on a budget. None of these things means I'm a bad person, by any means, and a lot of the time my getting carried away is geared toward making other people happy. During those times, the ones where I'm focused on creating happiness for others, I know that this habit can be used for good and not evil.

However, I also tend to allow myself to get carried away when I'm setting goals or dreaming of the future. It's at these times that I see my problem as a problem. I'm a planner, an organized creator of things whether they be to-do lists or cupcakes or blog posts. I like to put things in order and watch them unfold in their own time. Sometimes, I allow those plans to get a little too detailed a little too quickly in my little too crowded head.

Prime example, I spent smidgens of time here and there all day today looking at apartments and houses for rent and thinking about what it might be like to live with The Boy. And why did I do that, you ask? Because we've had two conversations about the possibilities. Two. And I'm secretly (though not so secretly) already hoping possibility becomes reality.

Just a Little Twinge

The first twinge of doubt. Self-doubt coupled with doubt in general.

I guess it was inevitable, although that doesn't make it ache any less.

Today I Sent a Love Letter

I did something a wee bit gutsy (for me) today. I wrote and sent - sent is the operative word here - a love letter. Actually wrote it, start to finish, and hit the send button. Granted, it wasn't as glamorous as love letters used to be, handwritten and smelling of fresh paper and angst, but it was a love letter nonetheless. It didn't profess undying devotion, since it's much too soon for all of that, but I like to think it had a nice little ring to it - a you make me happy, this is the way that it feels to fall, and I'm enjoying the journey kind of ring.

You know what that means?

I've left myself vulnerable to rejection.

After a long and thoroughly trying period where I swore to myself that I would never be that 'gushy' again, I broke my own cardinal rule of newbie dating and sent a love letter.

Does it still count against me if I tell you that it was impulsive? Does it matter if I say it needed to be said? Does it help if I mention that I sighed with relief after I wrote it because, finally, I said something worth saying to someone that's worth saying it to?

No matter the answers to the above, I sent it. And I'm glad.

Monday Hmmmm...

I'm contemplating vegetarianism.

Ponder that with me, will you.

Reflection

If I had to reflect on the way I've felt for the last few months, I think I'd say that I've felt as if I was falling...in the best possible way. The kind of falling where you know you might land on your ass in the end, but it's so worth it you'd do it all over again. The kind of falling that is exhilirating because you've chosen to let yourself fall even though you know the consequences may be heartbreaking. The kind of falling that is so practically perfect that you know you live for the way it feels even when you don't feel it. It's the kind of falling that feels magical.

I feel it every day, and it fills me with happiness every time.